‘I gotta have roots before branches
To know who I am before I know who I wanna be’
Room For Two
This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for a long time, but for some reason I didn’t really know how to. However, I’ve been through a lot since I came back from Ireland and that has given me plenty of thoughts to write about. The new semester had barely started when I met a guy. We hit it off almost right away and it wasn’t before long we shared our first kiss. We both fell head in heels over love, but unfortunately, that didn’t last. After one moth of pure bliss and one month of struggling, we broke up. He believed our problem was that we had never been friends, we just dove right in, head first. I was not a fan of taking a step back, especially because I was really in love with him, but looking back, I now realize we did ourselves a great favor. We’re taking it easy, just talking on Facebook and making jokes. We’re planting our roots firmly in the ground before we start growing branches.
There is the possibility that we’re never gonna get back together, and that scares me a little bit because although I’m not madly in love with him anymore, I still like him and I have the feeling that there is a certain connection. Some people say that if it’s ment to be, we’ll be together, but I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff. Maybe it’s true for falling in love, but falling in love and being in a relationship are two different things. My parents have been married for 28 years and even though they love each other, they still have to work at their marriage.
Also, I’ve realized that I’m kind of a control freak, and because I don’t know how he feels, I don’t know where this is headed. But our feelings evolve and it’s very likely that he doesn’t even know how he feels. We still have to get accustomed to being friends, and the last thing I want to do is push him or push myself. So I just have to let go, let this run its course and even if we don’t end up together, I’ll at least have gained a good friend and some more experience.
This whole situation has also given me some insight into who I am. I thought I was pretty sure I had myself figured out, and I think I know for 98% who I am, the other 2% is left for someone else to discover. And on this note I’m going to finish this post.